# I just don't know what to do...



## Ken Guthrie (Oct 1, 2003)

Last May, my life changed drastically. Went through the Big D, and I don't mean Dallas.;-)

Anyhow, living single, changes in my job situation, adding a part time job to make up for losses, and being a dad...

I physically just can't be there for my buddy Dozer.

He will be 12 in June. He looks and acts like he's 4. He is the most easy animal to take care of. He's even on hand cue's to go do his business. He lays in one spot all day in the house alone. If he didn't lay his nose on my leg at times, I wouldn't know he's still around. But hell, I'm not around.

Really, it just sucks. The thought about it all has consumed my life. I just don't know what to do.

If he was 6, folks would be lined up to take him training and trialing.

But he's not. He is healthy, but I realize the odds are he has just a few years left.

I hate it. He's been my most loyal friend in my life.

I want him to go to an active home, but selfishly I will worry about him. 

Bottom line...if there is anyone out there that could and would love a well behaved dog in his elder years...let me know. I realize, it's a long shot.

I'd pay any expenses. Food, meds, vet bills that may come, etc.

It will tear me up seeing him go, but my life has drastically changed and I'm just at a loss for what to do.

Or, if anyone has any advice...I'm all ears. 

In reality, I'm ashamed to even post this. I feel responsible but I just can't physically do it anymore.


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## gdgnyc (May 4, 2009)

I was in your place at one time. I tried to hunt my dog as much as I could but didn't quite have the time. I kept him. My only regret was that I didn't do more with him. Can't really offer much advice, only what I did when I was in exactly the same situation. Good luck.


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## charly_t (Feb 11, 2009)

We had to give up out last dog in Oct. ( 2011 ) so I feel for you. We just got too old to take care of him. I did find a home for him but it took a while. I wish you the best in your search for a home for him.


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## Scott Parker (Mar 19, 2009)

Ken I'm in a similar situation I went though the big D 5 years ago my dog was 9 at the time. My work takes me away from home a lot sometimes for 2 weeks or more at a time and to pay bills I've been taking on as much as I can so I'm gone more than I was when I was married. I pay my neighbor to take care of my dogs they feed them and let them out in the yard and that's it so they don't get much attention when I'm gone. I've been promising my older dog for years that when I get enough money together I would do something else for a living so I could stay home with her more and do more things with her before she got to old to enjoy them. I don't have any kids so my dogs are my kids well she passed away last week at 14 years old and I feel so guilty not having done all the things I wanted to do with her that I decided no matter what it takes I'm going to change my life so that I can spend more time with my younger dog time just passes so fast the things you love are gone before you know it. I hope it works out for the best for Dozer.


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## Tim West (May 27, 2003)

Hang in there, Ken. Dozer sleeps a lot now and any scratch behind the ears is enough for the old man, no matter how far in between.

I feel for you, but God will provide. Be strong and you both will be fine.


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## tshuntin (Mar 22, 2003)

Sorry the last several months has been so rough, Ken.


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## Ken Guthrie (Oct 1, 2003)

Tim West said:


> Hang in there, Ken. Dozer sleeps a lot now and any scratch behind the ears is enough for the old man, no matter how far in between.
> 
> I feel for you, but God will provide. Be strong and you both will be fine.


I know Tim. He's old and deserves rest. But I'm not even home to take him out to air. 

It will work out I'm sure...just hate it for him.


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## pupaloo (Jan 6, 2006)

At 12 he probably doesn't need an active home. He is home, with you. Life changes, things happen, dogs roll with it. Stop beating yourself up, and think outside the box. Are there times when he can go along in the car, even if he just sleeps in the back seat? Are you near a senior center? Maybe an older person could come and let him out and give him a scratch during your busiest days. Just about every city has a dog walking/dog sitting service now. It might seem overwhelming right now but really, you can make it work. Find a way to get him out every day-you will feel less guilty, and your house won't be empty without your old friend when you can be there. You'd be miserable without him, and he's happier with you a little than with someone else a lot.
Sending you a hug, too, because it seems like you need one.


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## Melissa Page (Nov 23, 2011)

Ken, 
Your story breaks my heart! It makes me miss my old dog. When he got old he loved to walk to end of the driveway to get the mail with me. He thought it was SO cool to be off leash. But that was because I could walk faster than him -- but he didn't care-- it was an outing and he got to pee on everything!

I wish I had a good answer but there’s isn’t one. I do agree with Tim and pupaloo—Dozer’s 12 --- Every now and then you probably need to lean back in the chair, just or a second or two to get a second breath and that's when he’d be happy with an ear scratching and a cookie. And he wants it from YOU. Maybe every now and then a short walk—even just to corner and back – 5 minutes. It would be good for you too. Give you time to relax and time NOT think and worry about all the things you can’t change right now. And it will be time that Dozer spends with his best friend –YOU.

Hope things look up for you
Melis


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## John Kelder (Mar 10, 2006)

We are walking down the same road Gut .I wish I had more time for my pack . Living alone brings more perspective to the different angles of this game called life. But , I try to make it up to the dogs on my days off , and I have Jenn , who has a dog walking service. 
When I bought pigeons for my new Grady female, I bought some for everyone on the truck .Every dog loves pigeons.
I'm guessing at 12 Dozer is taking this better than you. I read somewhere that dogs have no sense of time . 1 hour or 8 , its the same to them.
So shoot him a pigeon or two , and live it up with the old fella when you can. If you think you feel bad now , I think the funk will be deep without him.. And his heart will not understand why he doesn't have you if you re home him.
Guns up - Dozer to line


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## Chris Atkinson (Jan 3, 2003)

John Kelder said:


> We are walking down the same road Gut .I wish I had more time for my pack . Living alone brings more perspective to the different angles of this game called life. But , I try to make it up to the dogs on my days off , and I have Jenn , who has a dog walking service.
> When I bought pigeons for my new Grady female, I bought some for everyone on the truck .Every dog loves pigeons.
> I'm guessing at 12 Dozer is taking this better than you. I read somewhere that dogs have no sense of time . 1 hour or 8 , its the same to them.
> So shoot him a pigeon or two , and live it up with the old fella when you can. If you think you feel bad now , I think the funk will be deep without him.. And his heart will not understand why he doesn't have you if you re home him.
> Guns up - Dozer to line


Brother Ken,

I really enjoyed your taking my call a couple months ago and catching up with me a bit. I'm really feeling for you and am bummed to read this post.

Your situation is a very personal one. Nobody can tell you what is "right" for you. But honestly, my gut (excuse the pun....hahaha!  ) tells me that you will hurt whenever you do come home to that empty pad of yours, knowing that Dozer's elsewhere.

I bet if you spent a little time digging around the net, making a few calls, you could find a selection of dog sitters and such to help you out. Even if you're gone for overnights, as long as the Doze is still healthy, someone to let him out a couple times, fill some water bowls, dish out some food, should be adequate.

If you're willing to pay a "Retirement home" the $$ for food and veterinary, think about finding a good dog sitter and a backup. I bet it will be slicker than you think.

Good luck and call me anytime, please.

Sincerely, Chris


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## Bridget Bodine (Mar 4, 2008)

X10 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Chris Atkinson said:


> Brother Ken,
> 
> I really enjoyed your taking my call a couple months ago and catching up with me a bit. I'm really feeling for you and am bummed to read this post.
> 
> ...


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## twall (Jun 5, 2006)

Ken,

I concur whit what others have suggested, Dozer won't want to be away from you. It may not be the life you would like him to have. But, he won't want to have a life without you after 12 years.

I'm sorry about the trials you are facing, God will provide.

Tom


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## badbullgator (Dec 20, 2004)

Scott Parker said:


> Ken I'm in a similar situation I went though the big D 5 years ago my dog was 9 at the time. My work takes me away from home a lot sometimes for 2 weeks or more at a time and to pay bills I've been taking on as much as I can so I'm gone more than I was when I was married. I pay my neighbor to take care of my dogs they feed them and let them out in the yard and that's it so they don't get much attention when I'm gone. I've been promising my older dog for years that when I get enough money together I would do something else for a living so I could stay home with her more and do more things with her before she got to old to enjoy them. I don't have any kids so my dogs are my kids well she passed away last week at 14 years old and I feel so guilty not having done all the things I wanted to do with her that I decided no matter what it takes I'm going to change my life so that I can spend more time with my younger dog time just passes so fast the things you love are gone before you know it. I hope it works out for the best for Dozer.



Scott, man I am so sorry, but I know for a fact that even with you limited time with the kids, they LIVE the LIFE and are as happy as any dog can be. We never feel like we gave them enough because they give us everything and we just can't match them in that area. Willow had a great life and was a great dog. I promise you she lived a happy life.
Ken, after all these years of Dozer living and hunting with you, he is more than happy to just be there when you are around. He would much rather be with you when he can than be moved to someone else. Give him what you can while he last and he will die a happy dog when that time comes.


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## Gun_Dog2002 (Apr 22, 2003)

Gone through the big D myself last year. Hang in there. I was thinking we should have one of our epic posting battles just so we feel alive and show these noobs what nuts can really do, but somehow arguing with someone on the same side of the fence doesn't seem fun....

/Paul


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## Guest (Feb 11, 2012)

I'm so sorry you have had a rough time but I have to agree the little time Dozer spends with you is better than no time. My dog at 11 and the one I lost at 13 didnt need as much time they slowed down so much.. they slept almost all day and were happy just to go in the backyard and make retrieve a dummy once or twice. They were happy just to lay by my side and get a hig . I think you are both better off together each of you would be miserable apart.


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## hotel4dogs (Aug 2, 2010)

I'm sorry you're going through this. 
Old dogs don't need much. Can you hire someone to come in and air him once or twice a day? There are lots of services who will do that for a reasonable price.


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## luvalab (Oct 10, 2003)

Ken, I don't know you except for a few vague RTF recollections--that at one time you posted all the time and I was either really on your side or really not; and that you loved Dozer.

If you're near Weatherford, TX, my sister in law is a dog person--has Aussies, dabbled in obedience and agility, went to grooming school, etc. Her schedule is irregular, but for a few bucks here and there, she might be able to keep a key and stop by and scratch an ear, watch a little tv with him, take him out to do his business and sniff the neighborhood news. PM if you're on the right side of Dallas/Ft. Worth.

Also, if you are near a high school--you might have the best luck with a parochial high school--call guidance or the assistant principal and ask if they know of a young person who is particularly responsible, or one who is interested in a career in animals. You might find just the young guy or gal to stop by on the way to or from home or practices a couple evenings a week to scratch behind the ear, let him do his business, share a subway sandwich with or let him lick the bowl of ice cream. 

I love old dogs, love love love them. I know if I were anywhere near I'd help you out, and if I didn't have a wild child that would run roughshod over him I'd take him just out of sheer selfishness... except I can't help but think that he belongs with you. You'd both be a little confused without the other, don't you think?


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## Brad B (Apr 29, 2004)

Keep the dog. It will be better for the both of you. See if there's a kid nearby that you could trust. The exposure to the dog could introduce the kid to the great times you've had with Dozer.


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## MooseGooser (May 11, 2003)

Roommate.??????

Sometimes they can work out great.

Gooser


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## HarryWilliams (Jan 17, 2005)

This not what you were asking for but I think you might need him more right now than he needs you. Harry


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## john fallon (Jun 20, 2003)

Hang on to him Ken, It would break his heart for you to do otherwise.
Good luck to you,
john


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## smillerdvm (Jun 3, 2006)

After 12 years, you and Dozer need and deserve each other.
The old sayin that a dog is mans best friend is especially true in the down times.

If you will make it a point to find 10 minutes a day to spend with Dozer, for just a walk, or a chat; and squeeze a half hour or an hour when you can to throw him some birds or shoot him a flyer I know you will find that it will be very therapeutic for the both of you. 

Trust me that 12 year old black furball in many respects is better than any counselor, drinking buddy, psychiatrist, girlfriend etc

I feel your pain
Good Luck


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## 2tall (Oct 11, 2006)

HarryWilliams said:


> This not what you were asking for but I think you might need him more right now than he needs you. Harry


Not really knowing anything about you except for what you have posted here Ken, the above was my first thought. You do not need to suffer more loss. Good luck to you in finding a sitter. If I were nearby I would do it for free!


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## JusticeDog (Jul 3, 2003)

Ken-

I remember when Doser was a young dog and you thought about selling him to someone who could take him "all the way." Our pro talked to me about him.... but you had an "addendum" to the sale.... you wanted to hunt him every fall. So, you didn't want to sell him. I know you don't want to give him up now. I'd look for a kid to let him out.... Realistically at 12, you're only talking another couple of years. (makes me tear up thinking about it, especially since you know mine are right up there.). I could probably find you someone, but it would be in the midwest.

Take care-


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## frontier (Nov 3, 2003)

Chris Atkinson said:


> Brother Ken,
> 
> I really enjoyed your taking my call a couple months ago and catching up with me a bit. I'm really feeling for you and am bummed to read this post.
> 
> ...


The dog sitter worked for my situation. The last 6 months of my dear Rebel's life , I paid a good friend to come over twice per day to check on him, ensure he had his medication, water and feed, let him out to potty (because he had become a bit incontinent and had other serious health issues), and then call me and report to me on his status once per day. He could no longer tolerate the extreme temperatures of summer and winter, so needed to be indoors. This arrangement allowed me to give him another year and help his quality of life, and alleviated my worry. If it helps, dogs don't really understand a concept of "how long you are gone". That's why they are excited to see you, whether you just stepped out the door 30 minutes ago for a trip to the store, or you have been gone 8 hours. Ken, I know you will reach the right decision for both you and Dozier. Take care.


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## raamw (Nov 12, 2003)

My suggestion would be to get a dog walker in to take him out,they are reasonable. I agree he is at home with you.


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## K G (Feb 11, 2003)

Ken, I hate it for you, but as several other folks have posted, Dozer is a part of your life AND your son's. I'm almost more concerned about the impact on your son than I am you....or Dozer.

Dozer would rather spend a few minutes with you and your boy than an eternity elsewhere. If he could talk, that's what he'd say.

Hang in there man. Call me sometime.

The REAL k g.... ;-)


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## zeekster (Jun 15, 2009)

Hi Ken, I don't know you but its been 24years for me still regret letting my best friend Tess go. Don't regret the wife part.
my life is much better now but still think back to Tess and how things would have been easier in some ways if I'd kept her.
I'd say keep Dozer and find a kid or some one to give you a hand when you can't be there. You'll both be glad you did.


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## Steve Amrein (Jun 11, 2004)

Ken, I too vote for someone to stop by and air him for you. A couple of my old dogs no longer with me did not need much. They likely slept 23 hours a day, unless I was eating;-) then get a pat and a scratch and lay down and wait foe me to leave the room. Do it for you as much as the dog. BTW sorry to hear about your current situation and it to will pass.


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## moscowitz (Nov 17, 2004)

Stop thinking so much. He needs to be with you. I have a 12 year old and he sleeps all the time. Get a dog walker to take him out. You need him and he needs you.


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## deadriver (Mar 9, 2005)

You have many good points in the above post and there are some great options presented so i thought i would share a thought or two from my similar experience. Many of us have been where you are now and it is a rough road. Words cannot describe the emotional roller coaster and the ironic part is that most of us are not even aware of just how low we were, until we look back a year or two later. The big D was an ordeal for me on so many levels, challenged me in ways i would never have imagined. I am dramatically better off today and i can sincerely say that it was the best thing I have done and the hardest thing i have done. 

I rarely post and certainly do not post deep personal thoughts on a webpage, but your ordeal hits home. I almost let a BLM that was 5 go to a game warden friend when i went through my D. I recall the fleeting feelings of despair and hidden sense of needing a completely new start. I decided to slow down on some of my rapid changes and sort of plug the hole of continued loss. Letting go of everything i identified with did not seem to be the right thing, though it seemed to be my tendency as a healing mechanism. I kept my best friend and he was tolerant of all my mistakes, the missing sessions and the minimal companionship time that I was able to give him. In my situation, I am confident that i did the best i could and he knew that. I can truly say that I have never had one moment of regret about finding a solution other than breaking our bond. You will know in your heart what the best decision is, it just may take a little digging to get through the fog of current emotion.
Outside of the Dozer issue, i empathize with your current state and will offer that it WILL get better. Time is a powerful medicine. 

Hang in there.
B


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## Sundown49 aka Otey B (Jan 3, 2003)

Ken this is some advise from an old man. I went through a Big D after a long marriage. When it happened I did not know what to do. I had a Lab named Sally that was the BEST thing to me of anything. If I was down she picked me up. If I was angry about something ,she listened. When I was lonely she filled the bill. She just passed away this year at the ripe old age of 18. I have had some lifelong friends that I was not as close to as I was to Sally. You and Dozer are a team. Don't seperate a pair of winners. Get someone to stop by and air Dozer and when you can give him an ear scratch and a GOOD BOY and you both will make it through to better times. He will always be YOUR boy Dozer and you will always be his MAN Ken. This is a tough time for you both but you both are winners....stick it out with your ABSOLUTE best friend in the world.


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## Duckquilizer (Apr 4, 2011)

Sundown49 aka Otey B said:


> Ken this is some advise from an old man. I went through a Big D after a long marriage. When it happened I did not know what to do. I had a Lab named Sally that was the BEST thing to me of anything. If I was down she picked me up. If I was angry about something ,she listened. When I was lonely she filled the bill. She just passed away this year at the ripe old age of 18. I have had some lifelong friends that I was not as close to as I was to Sally. You and Dozer are a team. Don't seperate a pair of winners. Get someone to stop by and air Dozer and when you can give him an ear scratch and a GOOD BOY and you both will make it through to better times. He will always be YOUR boy Dozer and you will always be his MAN Ken. This is a tough time for you both but you both are winners....stick it out with your ABSOLUTE best friend in the world.


Well said Mr. Otey...well said.


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## 7pntail (Jan 20, 2010)

deadriver said:


> You have many good points in the above post and there are some great options presented so i thought i would share a thought or two from my similar experience. Many of us have been where you are now and it is a rough road. Words cannot describe the emotional roller coaster and the ironic part is that most of us are not even aware of just how low we were, until we look back a year or two later. The big D was an ordeal for me on so many levels, challenged me in ways i would never have imagined. I am dramatically better off today and i can sincerely say that it was the best thing I have done and the hardest thing i have done.
> 
> I rarely post and certainly do not post deep personal thoughts on a webpage, but your ordeal hits home. I almost let a BLM that was 5 go to a game warden friend when i went through my D. I recall the fleeting feelings of despair and hidden sense of needing a completely new start. I decided to slow down on some of my rapid changes and sort of plug the hole of continued loss. Letting go of everything i identified with did not seem to be the right thing, though it seemed to be my tendency as a healing mechanism. I kept my best friend and he was tolerant of all my mistakes, the missing sessions and the minimal companionship time that I was able to give him. In my situation, I am confident that i did the best i could and he knew that. I can truly say that I have never had one moment of regret about finding a solution other than breaking our bond. You will know in your heart what the best decision is, it just may take a little digging to get through the fog of current emotion.
> Outside of the Dozer issue, i empathize with your current state and will offer that it WILL get better. Time is a powerful medicine.
> ...


That is well said! 

Ken , we have had no correspondence , but we share in common a dog that is about the same age. Mine is 13. My heart would be forever broken if he went to a different home. That is the bottom line. I can't fathom your pain, but I would not add to it. 

Us guys, well, we as a rule take the "big D" much harder than our female counterparts. Tough on the outside, very tender on the inside. 

I wish the best for you and your ole guy. I do feel your pain deeply, and being selfish, I hope I am never in your shoes. But, it certainly is possible. Your post touched my heart. 

Hang in

John


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## HiRollerlabs (Jun 11, 2004)

I didn't read all of the responses, so maybe this has been mentioned. Is there a nursing home nearby that would allow him to hang out there during the day and you could pick him up after work? I did see someone mentioned a Senior center, so maybe he could be there. The Senior Living Center near us has a dog in house. I helped someone from here place a dog in a nursing home down in Waterloo, Iowa. So, I know that some homes allow and want dogs and the residents LOVE them.

Hope things look up for you!


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## labsx3 (Oct 27, 2003)

This thread has been running through my head since I first read it. I dont have any other advice, you have been given alot of good ideas. I know when I went through my big D, my dogs were what got me through that tough time. I hope there is some way your boy can stay with you, for both of you. Good luck, I truly hope you find a good solution.


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## BonMallari (Feb 7, 2008)

I was going to stay out of this but Ken is my friend and you have no idea how hard this is for him....between his time in the system and trying to get access to his son and changes in his job situation, Ken would rather cut off his own testicles then have to do this to Dozer....this aint no backyard wash out, this is a bonafide titled AFC dog

I know what Ken is going thru because I have been a recipient of this type of liquidation of dog assets...when my brother went to med school he had to give away 3 AA dogs(with 70 AA points between them) and one youngster....I got the youngster..we all knew how tough it was to let them go and we knew the responsibility we all had

Ken , I commend you for doing right by Dozer....if I can think of any qualified persons to take care of him I will let you know....My thoughts and prayers go out to you and Gage, and of course the old man Dozer

remember this pillow with Dozer's image that was done by one of my friends


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## duk4me (Feb 20, 2008)

Ken Guthrie said:


> Last May, my life changed drastically. Went through the Big D, and I don't mean Dallas.;-)
> 
> Anyhow, living single, changes in my job situation, adding a part time job to make up for losses, and being a dad...
> 
> ...


Here is what to do. Delete this thread and pretend that it never happened.


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## mbcorsini (Sep 25, 2005)

Hi Ken,


Get a dog walker or a day sitter. That is what I have done. I work long hours with a long commute. Dozer will still be at the home that he loves. He wants to be with you. I know that is hard on the weekends for me leaving the "old man" home. At 16.5 there is no place he would rather be than in his home. My best wishes for you and finding the solution that works for the both of you.

Mary Beth


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## Pals (Jul 29, 2008)

*Dozer is 12 and only knows you. He will take you however he can get you. 
*Get a dog walker to let him out to potty. 
*Take 10 minutes to really love on him each and everyday. Take him with you when you get your son. 
*At this stage in the dogs life you owe it to him to see it through to the end. Make time for him. 
*Life throws us curve balls, how we handle them is a true reflection of our self. Chin up Ken. Remember he could be gone tomorrow. 

And before anyone jumps me because you think I'm a bitch--I've been there. I know all about curve balls.


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## road kill (Feb 15, 2009)

Pray for PEACE & guidance, the answer is before you!


Godspeed!

stan b


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## 1st retriever (Sep 2, 2008)

Pals said:


> *Dozer is 12 and only knows you. He will take you however he can get you.
> *Get a dog walker to let him out to potty.
> *Take 10 minutes to really love on him each and everyday. Take him with you when you get your son.
> *At this stage in the dogs life you owe it to him to see it through to the end. Make time for him.
> ...


 
X2 Exactly!


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## Cleo Watson (Jun 28, 2006)

Ken, look it at another way too. Dozer's world has been turned upside down too. He lost his 'boy' and the world he knew and you are the only constant left in his life. Do what it takes to keep YOU in his life. He feels your pain and is there to help you make this change. Don't let him lose you too.


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## Gun_Dog2002 (Apr 22, 2003)

Can't the new blonde girlfriend take him for a walk?

/Paul


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## rocky hamman (Feb 4, 2010)

|Ken I sent you a private message call me I live in El Campo Tx. Maybe I can help out for a little while until things get better. I know how sick I would be in this situation. My lab is at trainers for a couple of more months.. If that would help. God Bless you and Dozer.


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## Ken Guthrie (Oct 1, 2003)

Thank you so much everyone.

The comments, thoughts, replies, and PM's have been overwhelming.

But I need to clear some stuff up after reading all the replies.

This is kind of personal, but I'm not ashamed. When the seperation went down, it crushed me in regards to my son. Those with children know what I'm talking about. Although I poured my heart and soul into mending the marriage for the sake of my son, I knew divorce was probable. When she broke the "code" of marriage, it would have taken an act of God to be happy again. I leaned on him and trust I'm where he wants me to be now.

It's been a while now and I'm doing great. Logistically things are difficult, but I'm good emotionally. Gage and I are doing great. I spent every dollar I had to be a 50/50 parent, but I knew in 5 minutes the judge was having none of it. That's a whole other story. 

I do see Gage often. Every Thursday from when school ends to Friday morning when school starts...and every 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekends. Basically after school Thursday-when school starts Monday. It's not enough, but I take every minute the papers let me have. 

Here comes the weird part. When the seperation took place, the ex moved in with her parents in town. 45 minutes from the family home.

My home is in a rural area. The closest grocery store is around 20+ miles from the house. A dog walking service probably ain't in the cards.

Anyway, to be close with my son and have some support, I started staying with my folks in town just a few miles from Gage. I wanted to be close to him. It just worked. Closer to work, easy transportation, etc.

In the decree, my ex and I agreed to split the home 50/50 finacially until it sold. It's been on the market since May. It's an awesome home but for a special buyer. 

So, when I had/have my 5 year old son Gage, we stay with Nana & StepGrandpa. We both have a room there on the opposite side of the house. He got locked in there quickly. He loves his Nana and I knew it would be good for him in the early stages of his parents seperating. It's also good for me when I need to run to the store or am doing chores.

I work everyday. I'm a concrete salesman during the day, and just took a job scouting w/ the Orioles as well. I litterally leave around 7 am and don't get home till around 10 or 11pm sometimes. I'm trying to build back my savings to get into a new home for my son and I. My attorney took every dollar I had while making me believe I had a chance to get my son 50/50.

So, Dozer is with us at my folks...but it's just not a good situatioin. Nana takes care of Dozer but she is a neat freak to say the least. Those with dogs know nothing stays show room clean w/ a black lab. To make matters worse, their small back yard has a patch of grass as big as a coffee table. The rest is in concrete for the pool. Step Grandpa just doesn't want the dog around. Dozer is happy there, but Nana feels the heat from step grandpa to let me know Dozer ain't that welcome. But I understand. I'm never home and she is the one to care for a big dog in their neighborhood home.

So my options are...move back to the country until the house sells. Dozer can roam there all day. I can build him an airing yard and provide shelter. But when the summer comes I'll worry about him all day. He's been inside his whole life. Plus, now Gage will have to adjust back to his old residence where his mother and father were once together. Will it effect him emotionally? What happens when that home sells. Now we have to move again. I really want stability for my son. Keep in mind, he is moving into Mr. Wonderful's home with his mother. I just want what is best for Gage. I think stability is. Just don't know if moving into marital home is best right now. But it is an option none the less.

Another...stay with my folks till marital home sells. Gage stays on solid ground until it sells and then I have the finances to buy our own home. But I'm really feeling the pressure from my mom and step father that Dozer must go. It's a crap deal, but it is their home. I understand. If I rock the boat, then I'm rocking Gage's boat too. 

So there you go. My life in a nut shell. 

Really, I'm good. Other than the daily logistical situations that present change once the seperation came. I basically always have a bag packed in the car not knowing where I will lay my head that night for sure. Sometimes I head to the country, sometimes with my folks, and sometimes at the new girlfriends.;-)

Litterally, when I leave the home in the morning for the office...I don't get home until around 10pm or so once scouting is done.

I appreciate all the kind words and offers. I will contact you ASAP. I have to do player reports all day just in time to get caught up for another week of work.


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## hotel4dogs (Aug 2, 2010)

I'm so sorry you're in such a tough situation. One thing I couldn't help wondering is how attached is your son to Dozer?


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## Ken Guthrie (Oct 1, 2003)

hotel4dogs said:


> I'm so sorry you're in such a tough situation. One thing I couldn't help wondering is how attached is your son to Dozer?


Thanks. Really, I'm good. I'm mostly happy.

Dozer and Gage have a weird relationship. Both know each is around, but neither really interact together. I have to think they just both don't know any different. Dozer has sniffed on him since birth. Gage never pulled his tail. It's a mutual agreement they have.

I don't think he would be effected that much really. Gage that is.


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## Bridget Bodine (Mar 4, 2008)

I see you situation much more clearly now....sad for you and Dozer. No chance of renting a place? Grasping I know.....I am so sorry
I hope you find someplace close for him. If you don't, you can send him to Pa, I have 220 acres.......and several couches


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## Richard Chavez (Dec 10, 2009)

...........................PM sent.......................


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## MooseGooser (May 11, 2003)

I was in a similar situation to yours a long time ago.

The one thing I learned from the experience is, Kids are REALLY resilient.
More so than dogs, and dogs accept pretty much anything.

I think both will do fine in any situation, as long as you are there enjoying time with them.

I bet you will discover,, your time with Kid, dog, and Family will be of a much higher quality than it was before. They will all blend together well, as long as you use your available time, to make it so.

Take care,, It does get better eventually.

Gooser


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## Ken Guthrie (Oct 1, 2003)

MooseGooser said:


> Take care,, It does get better eventually.
> 
> Gooser


It already has. The boy and I are good! Really, I'm not the depressed divorced father. I'm doing well mentally.

Just need get everything in order to live comfortably again.

It will all happen sooner or later.

Thanks!


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## 1st retriever (Sep 2, 2008)

What about you and Dozer stay in the country and then you get him all set up and then when you have your boy you stay with your mom? Then she only has to have the dog around while you are. Is that an option?


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## Cowtown (Oct 3, 2009)

Does the girlfriend like dogs or do you have any buddies somewhat nearby that could keep Dozer for a bit till you get things straightened out?


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## MC Boulais (Feb 22, 2005)

Fairly common where I live is to get a house sitter. Get someone to stay at your place and watch your dog while your gone in exchange for a place to stay. I have done it for folks and it can work for everybody.


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## achiro (Jun 17, 2003)

Tell your mom that she better watch out, you will be the one picking out which home she gets sent to. 

Wish I could help out brother.


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## Twolabsplus (Aug 29, 2004)

Dont give him up..... he is happy and looking forward to you coming home.


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## Jeff Huntington (Feb 11, 2007)

Tim West said:


> Hang in there, Ken. Dozer sleeps a lot now and any scratch behind the ears is enough for the old man, no matter how far in between.
> 
> I feel for you, but God will provide. Be strong and you both will be fine.


 
Good Advice...I imagine if Dozer could speak Human (at least English) he would tell you that yea he enjoys going out and chasing the birds, but more so enjoys YOU. You have been his life and I imagine he wants to stay with you if possible regardless of the opportunities to retrieve.

I hope you find the way to make the right decision.

Jeff


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## EdA (May 13, 2003)

Doggie daycare?....several in the area for the times you are away


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## Andrew Fairchild (May 19, 2011)

I'll just give on of my favorite quotes I've learned over the past 6 or 7 months.

* "You ask so much from him, and yet he asks so little in return"*

I'll guarantee if you ask ole Dozer what he would like out of the situation, the one thing he'd ask is to stay with you! Let that be your point to ponder. At 12 years old, he's had an awesome life hunting. We've always retired the hounds at 10 or 11 and they become inside dogs. They earned that right, and by the way you talk, so has Dozer. He'll be one happy dog for the rest of his life just being with you!


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## PhilBernardi (Jul 17, 2010)

I haven't read all the posts, so I apologize for any repetition of ideas.

1) Hire someone to walk him everyday;
2) check out puppy day-care outfits;
3) Ask a neighbor to walk him;
4) Get a few friends to care for him and rotate through a schedule.

You are willing to pay money for care/medical, so why not just hire someone?

I'd think a retiree would be a good place to start for hiring someone (then move on to high school or community college student). ;-)


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## greg magee (Oct 24, 2007)

I can foster home him for you until things are settled. It would be a pleasure. Had someone do it for me, so it's just about paying forward. Greg


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## JusticeDog (Jul 3, 2003)

EdA said:


> Doggie daycare?....several in the area for the times you are away


 
I think step -papa should go to the day care...  but that's just me. Buy your mom and great vacuum cleaner and sweep quickly every night with it... (I mean YOU not mom).


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## RJW (Jan 8, 2012)

afairchild0103 said:


> I'll just give on of my favorite quotes I've learned over the past 6 or 7 months.
> 
> *"You ask so much from him, and yet he asks so little in return"*
> 
> I'll guarantee if you ask ole Dozer what he would like out of the situation, the one thing he'd ask is to stay with you! Let that be your point to ponder. At 12 years old, he's had an awesome life hunting. We've always retired the hounds at 10 or 11 and they become inside dogs. They earned that right, and by the way you talk, so has Dozer. He'll be one happy dog for the rest of his life just being with you!


 
I couldn't have said it better myself, in my opinion you hit the nail squarely on the head with that response.... 

OP, I can almost promise you the both of you would be so miserable parting ways at this point in his life that it would be unbearable. You both need each other and this rough spell will pass in time and you will be glad you kept him. Just my opinion for what its worth.


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## Kenneth Niles Bora (Jul 1, 2004)

achiro said:


> Tell your mom that she better watch out, you will be the one picking out which home she gets sent to.
> 
> Wish I could help out brother.


I was thinking just the same 
and wish the same.



.


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## Angie B (Sep 30, 2003)

Ken Bora said:


> I was thinking just the same
> and wish the same.
> 
> 
> ...


I thought Russ's comment was hilarious!! And very true...

Angie


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## Ken Guthrie (Oct 1, 2003)

EdA said:


> Doggie daycare?....several in the area for the times you are away


That is just it. I'm rarely home. 

Seriously, I leave early and get home very late. 

Sometimes I don't make it home depending on what side of town I'm in. I get a room and straight to office in the next morning. 

I carry an over night bag with me all the time. 

Hard to explain, I know. 

I've had several offers. Heck I haven't had time to get back to all of them. But after reading this thread I'm trying to make it work where I can keep him some way somehow. Just don't know if it's possible.


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## metalone67 (Apr 3, 2009)

Sorry to read of your troubles. Have you thought of buying your ex out someway? I know with my divorce, I paid her $900 a month and signed a quick claim. If you could work something out with her that would make you, gage, and dozer happy.
There may be a lab rescue that maybe able to find him a home.
I don't know what I would do if in your shoes.


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## Im_with_Brandy (Apr 22, 2010)

I had a friend with a job that took him away for weeks at a time. I would go to his house and pick up the dog and take it hunting. I bet you have a buddy that would be more than happy to take your dog hunting for you. A well trained dog is a joy to hunt with. 

I had a neighbor that did not have time to walk their lab so every couple days I would take him for walks when I walked my dog. 

Keep your dog talk to friends see what you can work out. Pay a neighbor kid to come over every day and take care of the dog and walk him.

Dogs are more loyal than wives don't divorce your dog.


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## Ken Guthrie (Oct 1, 2003)

I just wanted to say thanks for all the kind gestures and advice.

My PM box is overloaded and I'm trying to get to them all.

If I miss someone, PLEASE know I really appreciate any offers and ideas.

Thank you so much folks. Words cannot explain my gratitude.


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## duk4me (Feb 20, 2008)

LMAO, delete is a wonderful thing aint' it. Seems to be the prevelant thing on RTF lately.


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## Chris Atkinson (Jan 3, 2003)

duk4me said:


> LMAO, delete is a wonderful thing aint' it. Seems to be the prevelant thing on RTF lately.


I think the things that were deleted were best deleted in this thread. Don't you?


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## JusticeDog (Jul 3, 2003)

Chris Atkinson said:


> I think the things that were deleted were best deleted in this thread. Don't you?


No. NOt really. I believe in the first amendment. And obviously the thread was upsetting to some of us. Doser was one of the first FT dogs I ever met. Making someone feel that they have to pull a thread that was nicely written though, although its view point may have been contrary to some is a bummer to me. Sorry I disagree with you Chris, but that's the way I feel.


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## duk4me (Feb 20, 2008)

Chris Atkinson said:


> I think the things that were deleted were best deleted in this thread. Don't you?


Yes, the majority should have been deleted but some parts held a grain of truth in my opinion. I agree the attachment was inappropriate but the opinion was not.


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## Gun_Dog2002 (Apr 22, 2003)

Please guys can we keep these training threads on track, don't upset the OP and quit GDG up the thread. Can we please focus on answering the question "how do I get out of my responsibility to care for an aging dog so I can spend time with my new blonde GF? My mom doesn't like caring for the dog...?" 

Please focus....Dennis doesn't like it when we get off track. Besides it might interrupt Fallon and Shih from their special day together....

/Paul


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## Charles Dwyer (Feb 10, 2006)

Ken,

Is there a nursing home near you? I am involved with a service dog organization that specializes in placing in house therapy dogs for nursing homes and or adult daycare programs for the elderly. If you have either of these types of facilities, I bet you could loan him out during the day and he would get a lot of attention and be doing a lot of good?


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## duk4me (Feb 20, 2008)

Gun_Dog2002 said:


> Please guys can we keep these training threads on track, don't upset the OP and quit GDG up the thread. Can we please focus on answering the question "how do I get out of my responsibility to care for an aging dog so I can spend time with my new blonde GF? My mom doesn't like caring for the dog...?"
> 
> Please focus....Dennis doesn't like it when we get off track. Besides it might interrupt Fallon and Shih from their special day together....
> 
> /Paul


Touchee', Once again I have derailed a thread with GDG. I just can't seem to help myself.


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## Chris Atkinson (Jan 3, 2003)

Gun_Dog2002 said:


> Please guys can we keep these training threads on track, don't upset the OP and quit GDG up the thread. Can we please focus on answering the question "how do I get out of my responsibility to care for an aging dog so I can spend time with my new blonde GF? My mom doesn't like caring for the dog...?"
> 
> Please focus....Dennis doesn't like it when we get off track. Besides it might interrupt Fallon and Shih from their special day together....
> 
> /Paul


Cute! 

Hey, I've called your cell a couple times the last several days. I think I left at least one voice message.

I'm glad your still swinging away.


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## Chris Atkinson (Jan 3, 2003)

Gun_Dog2002 said:


> Gone through the big D myself last year. Hang in there. I was thinking we should have one of our epic posting battles just so we feel alive and show these noobs what nuts can really do, but somehow arguing with someone on the same side of the fence doesn't seem fun....
> 
> /Paul


/Paul.... did you cross the fence?


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## Gun_Dog2002 (Apr 22, 2003)

Chris Atkinson said:


> Cute!
> 
> Hey, I've called your cell a couple times the last several days. I think I left at least one voice message.
> 
> I'm glad your still swinging away.


Ya thats the home phone number. Got the VM. I agree, not enough GDG these days...

/Paul


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## Dman (Feb 26, 2003)

Chris Atkinson said:


> /Paul.... did you cross the fence?


Last I heard he was still looking for it.


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## Gun_Dog2002 (Apr 22, 2003)

Chris Atkinson said:


> /Paul.... did you cross the fence?


Historically no.....

http://www.retrievertraining.net/forums/showthread.php?t=37064


/Paul


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## Gun_Dog2002 (Apr 22, 2003)

And since we're reminiscing...

http://www.retrievertraining.net/forums/showthread.php?t=18582

http://www.retrievertraining.net/forums/showthread.php?t=49216

Boy have times changed...

/Paul


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## 2tall (Oct 11, 2006)

Oh man, I remember that post. You are right Paul. Kind of hard tO believe the change. I still hate to see my boy getting older but I will be there for him to the end.


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## Chris Atkinson (Jan 3, 2003)

Gun_Dog2002 said:


> And since we're reminiscing...
> 
> http://www.retrievertraining.net/forums/showthread.php?t=18582
> 
> ...


I remember it well. I wrote the top link quoted above back when Ken had left RTF and was running his own retriever board. Someone who lurked there alerted me to their accomplishment. I thought it appropriate to be a good sport and post Ken a sincere congratulations. One day I hope to experience such an accomplishment with one of my dogs.

I have no idea what it's like to be in Ken's shoes today. But I personally am choosing a path of empathy and trying to treat someone the way I'd want to be treated if I were in their shoes.

I won't comment on the deleted stuff, as it's been removed. I've exchanged some PM's with a couple folks regarding what's been deleted.

Ken, if you're still reading, I wish you and Dozer the best. Remember when I used to call him "Diesel" to get a rise out of you? 

Chris


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## DSemple (Feb 16, 2008)

I was in your shoes 25 years ago. Sold my then 8 year old heart dog.

Still feel terrible about it and think about her almost everyday. Tearing up now just typing about her.

Don't do it!


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## Kyle B (May 5, 2005)

It's all about the dogs.....


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## FOM (Jan 17, 2003)

Kyle B said:


> It's all about the dogs.....


Apparently not.


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## Steve Amrein (Jun 11, 2004)

FOM said:


> Apparently not.


Aaaaa. Thought we were suppose to be playing nice


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## Gun_Dog2002 (Apr 22, 2003)

Steve Amrein said:


> Aaaaa. Thought we were suppose to be playing nice


Hey sometimes you get a Walnut and those shells are brutal.

/Paul


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## achiro (Jun 17, 2003)

You stay classy.


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## FOM (Jan 17, 2003)

Steve Amrein said:


> Aaaaa. Thought we were suppose to be playing nice


I am being nice, I haven't come out and said what I really think, but with just two words it is obvious what I do think. Pretty nice as far as I'm concerned, I didn't call anyone names, I didn't use profanity, I simple made my opinion known in as nice of a way as I could.


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## Socks (Nov 13, 2008)

Aw the heck with it! Here's my $0.02.

I love my dog and he's my furry 4 legged kid. BUT he ain't my kid and my kid will always come first.

Ken, don't know you and feel for your situation. Do the best you can and I really, really hope you can find a way to keep your dog and take care of your kid. At the end of the day your kid should come first and it sounds like that's your priority and yeah I think at your dog's age he'll be happy with what time you can give him. Good luck man.


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## Mark Sehon (Feb 10, 2003)

Ken you are on the right tract. I would do the same thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1


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## Angie B (Sep 30, 2003)

FOM said:


> I am being nice, I haven't come out and said what I really think, but with just two words it is obvious what I do think. Pretty nice as far as I'm concerned, I didn't call anyone names, I didn't use profanity, I simple made my opinion known in as nice of a way as I could.


X2,,, Good for you Lainee....

I have not offered advice, help or an opinion on this thread. 

Ken knows how I feel and he knows his dog would have a good home with me.

Angie


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## M&K's Retrievers (May 31, 2009)

Angie B said:


> X2,,, Good for you Lainee....
> 
> I have not offered advice, help or an opinion on this thread.
> 
> ...


PM sent...


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## JusticeDog (Jul 3, 2003)

Angie B said:


> X2,,, Good for you Lainee....
> 
> I have not offered advice, help or an opinion on this thread.
> 
> ...


Oh... dozer would love being with you.... he has been there before with good memories of a "girlfriend".


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## charly_t (Feb 11, 2009)

If it were me and I saw that my dog was getting little to no attention from me because of circumstances beyond my control and if I thought he would be better off with another good owner I would do the same thing, find a good home for him or her..........oh, wait we just did that last Fall. The very last thing we need at that time in life is a bashing from friends and family. I hope this is "playing nice".


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## Ken Guthrie (Oct 1, 2003)

Wow.

Was surprised to see this thread still at the top.

Chris, I now know why you mentioned not to bother reading the thread anymore. I had no idea.

Who knows what was said, and really...who cares. 

Those that know me understand the situation, those that don't...go pound sand!!! 

Thanks again folks for all the help.

As of now, I'm going to do everything in my power to care for the boy.

If not, I know I've got some good folks that will love on him until I get on solid ground.

I'll check back again later. I barely have time to sleep.

Thanks for the call Chris.;-)


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## Gun_Dog2002 (Apr 22, 2003)

Seriously dude, you really gonna give me that much material to work with?

Chris ban me know!

Put your pants on and take care of your dog

/Paul


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## Socks (Nov 13, 2008)

For all the people who are giving him crap or implying that he isn't doing enough for his dog: How many of you are parents and parents of a young kid? How many are going through a divorce at the same time plus working fulltime plus overtime? Maybe a reality check is in order for some people.

Sorry Chris, if this gets me in trouble so be it.


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## Gun_Dog2002 (Apr 22, 2003)

Socks said:


> For all the people who are giving him crap or implying that he isn't doing enough for his dog: How many of you are parents and parents of a young kid? How many are going through a divorce at the same time plus working fulltime plus overtime? Maybe a reality check is in order for some people.
> 
> Sorry Chris, if this gets me in trouble so be it.



No kidding, that takes a lot of time! Factor in dating new chicks and there is just so little time. 

/Paul


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## Chris Atkinson (Jan 3, 2003)

Gun_Dog2002 said:


> No kidding, that takes a lot of time! Factor in dating new chicks and there is just so little time.
> 
> /Paul


I received a suggestion from a valued member of the retriever community that this thread has lost whatever value it may have had.

I agree.

locked


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